I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my shit smells like andre
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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