So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
