I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just threw up on my dentist
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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