I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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