So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
