how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
