Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
