this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
