she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
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I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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