all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
