I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
