is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
