I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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