he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
