dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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