People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
