the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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