You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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