ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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