He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
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Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
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Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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