We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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