Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
