Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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