He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
