Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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