Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
