I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
