Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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