when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
