I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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