dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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