so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
