sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
