Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
