I'm jealous of your bromance
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
