If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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