I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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