I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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