I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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