she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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