I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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