What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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