Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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