It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
