im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
