Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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