When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
