dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
