he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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