just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
