I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
