batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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