I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
