Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
