dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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