I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
