remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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