i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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