This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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