I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My pussy is not your playground.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
