I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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