I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
