I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
