This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
