Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
