you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
