If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
