i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
