My sheets look like a crime scene.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
