I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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