I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
