Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
